sitting, waiting, wishing (thanks jack johnson)

I am sitting in a Starbucks off of I35 in Lewisville. The music playing is that folksy happy toned music which makes for a relaxing moment. The iced coffee I had did nothing to perk me up a bit.

This week has been a beating, but not the kind that kicks me to the curb and I'm not able to get up again. It's been a test.

How much do I want my (insert everything here)?

Taking two summer classes has proven to be an undertaking. Were I only taking 2 classes, this would be a no-brainer but that is not the case. Two classes, fulfilling my own expectations as husband, doing the kind of job at work I expect of myself, and then just keeping emotional space for all the family stuff going on is a bit of an undertaking.

The question I posed above is pretty much what keeps me motivated. I want a master's degree to have letters after my name and so I can progress forward in my career. I want to do well at work so that I can succeed there and hopefully set myself up to progress far forward when it's time.

Personally, I expect to be the best husband I can be. I don't do half assed relationships and for me to be me, well, I need to be present and support my amazing wife as she supports me. This is a bit much to take on at times, but I press on, because it's important to me.

I speak to God often about all of this too. At some point, He might have other plans for me, but for now, we press onward because there is a reason for all of this that is going on. I am starting to truly believe that nothing happens just because. I think that I sort of felt this way before but lately, it just seems to make sense. There is a plan and a supreme being that is totally completely aware of all that is, was, and will be. How could there not be? Is man the pinnacle of it all? This question is of course silly, but fun to ponder.

This might read as a bit of a stream of consciousness and hey, it might be. As I said before, this week has me battered and bruised but I'm still standing. Dalena and I are on the road (more on this in a moment) but had to stop since she has a meeting with the North Texas Association of Play Therapy. I may have this wrong but it's something like that. Anyway, she is President-Elect and had this meeting tonight. She will meet and then we will head out to Houston. Then, tomorrow, after taking my exam and she finishes a paper, we will roll toward Harlingen. It's going to be a long road trip but we've got food, drinks and Harry Potter on CD.

The trip is long but sometimes long trips are necessary. My grandmother passed away and she will be missed. We're going to Harlingen to pay tribute to her. I will write more about her in another post. I think I will also share the words I said about my maternal grandfather too. Lately, there have been many moments which cause a mass amount of reflection. Time moves forward and there is nothing we can do to stop it. (remember earlier when I asked if we were the pinnacle of everything?)

So as time presses forward, look around at things. Is this really where we want to be? AS a people I mean? Is this how things really ought to be? We can be better as a people, and we have all the power and technology at our disposal to make it...we just have to get out of our own way.

Now I'm about to pull off a correlation between what I just wrote and what I was talking about before...

Things have been crazy lately, not just for me personally, but in the world. I wonder what it is all for...maybe to prepare us for times ahead? We train now for what the future holds, and since Miss Cleo isn't around to predict the future, we have to be prepared for anything. So, these tough days are really just training days for the next big thing. the next couple of weeks, my classes will finish up and things will calm down. But once they do, I can look back and say I did it! I finished all that hard work and know I can handle some stress.

The key is to trust in God, have some loving support, and see the end goal.

This might not a lot of sense, in which case, I probably need a nap. That's why it is nice that Dalena is going to drive :)

Catch you all later...probably Tuesday unless we get internet in the hotel (here's hoping for free internet)

Boom goes the dynamite

Well, so far so good. It's week two of the summer 1 courses I'm taking. In addition to that, conference season is kicking off and I'm about to have more things to do with that. It is a good time but can be a bit of a headache at times just because I don't have my usual crew of people helping out.

This coming weekend, as in, this Friday Dalena and I are traveling to Houston, then to Harlingen, and then back to Denton. You might be asking yourself why would we do this. Well, it's for my recemtly deceased Grandmother. The Lord saw fit to relieve her pain once and for all and take her away. This while somewhat sad is the reason Dalena and I are heading down to South Texas for two nights. While not the ideal roadtrip, it will provide a lot of fun moments for us to be sure.

I love the idea of celebrating a life in death. While it is important to grieve and to mourn it is also important to remember God and his words regarding death. Those who follow the Lord will not see death. This is truly one of those really cool things Jesus says in the bible but is also probably one of the things that we humans are most curious about and wish to know more. Happily, we all get to know more.

I am feeling vastly less stressed now after plowing through some satsuma homework that I actually understood. It's a funny thing about math and I, we never used to get along and I think even now we still only tolerate each other. Love it or hate it, I'm liking the fact that I'm moving further in my master's degree this summer by taking the stats class. I can't wait to graduate again. It will be a party!

For now I'm going to call it a night. The bad thing about packing each day so full is that I am so tired at night.

Until later...

Daily Planner Pads business organizer and personal calendar.

Daily Planner Pads business organizer and personal calendar.


Ask me about this thing sometime. I'll share the story of it and all the wonderful things it helps me manage. You may just fall in love with this tool as I did.

Thanks to my friend Dr. Claudia Beeny for introducing me to it.

It gets better all the time

It's funny but once you lay things out on paper, or in the case of a blog, a computer screen, things seem to be all the clearer and make so much more sense. I should have updated sooner but after my previous entry, my brain feels clearer. Despite being packed full to the brim with things to do (funeral attendance, wedding attendance, class work, work work, etc) it just doesn't seem to be so crushing.

Tis a short entry but I should remember not to doubt the power of just dumping everything out and clearing my mind.

until later...

The now

So much has happened the past few days. Summer is over now for a bit. What was once days filled with free time able to be focused toward a few special tasks is about to be filled with student affairs assessment and statistics. After that, there will be but a few short weeks and then my job training will begin and then there won't be a break until probably September. What draws me to write this evening is not the future or the past. Tonight my attention is called to the present state of things.

My grandmother, Jane Taylor passed away Saturday. Rest easy, she is in a much better place than where she was and this is a blessing for her that the good Lord finally called her up. This has hit me in a peculiar way and I find myself having a tough time nailing down how I should feel. I carry with me a certaina out of grief to be sure but this has opened my mind and body up to other ideas as well.

For the past couple of weeks I have been what some would describe as mopey. It's strange to admit but I am unsure of another way to describe it. The days are filled with freedom, unlimited purpose, however on a couple of occasions I find myself bored/mopey. Now, in this state, I make attempts to seek enjoyment from things but am finding it difficult to push through the mopiness on specific days. Please note that this is not an everyday kind of thing but I find it near impossible to nail down the root cause of this issue.

I lack a hobby, something I can do for me all on my own. Things I enjoy all involve people even things like cooking which is not nearly as fulfilling as it is when I do it for Dalena. Part of me feels pulled to break out my bible and look for the feelings to go away with the Word but I typically do not find myself sticking it out for a while.

Is ts what getting older is all about?

Prayers for my family are appreciated. Prayers fir Dalena, her mother, brother, sister, and of course their step dad Don while continues to heal. Pray for my best friend who journeys eastward to Georgia to begin the next phase of her career. For now it is time for bed. The puppies are both sleeping and now it is time for me to join them. Good night all!